Falls, Rolls and Throws

Thursday night karate class was falls, rolls and throws followed by sparing.

A little bit battered, little bit sore and totally pumped up I think, man I love this stuff. My next thought is ohhhh, I can't wait to show Gyps!

Three Cheers for Saddles and Smiles

Last month at the county fair Gyps introduced me to Miss Margaret who heads up Saddles and Smiles, a therapeutic riding program for children with special needs. I had been told my numerous people what a great program it was and what a blessing it was to the children that participated. Tonight was the September meeting so Grandma and I decided to take the tribe and check it out for ourselves.

It was more than I had heard, more than I could have dreamed. The smiles of the children out shown the fire of the setting sun. Everyone was friendly and helpful. Miss Margaret was wonderful and made us feel so welcome. When we started the sun was setting and it was getting dark, the air was crisp and cool but the mood was warm and welcoming.

All of the tribe that wanted to ride got to... even the littlest. The ones that I actually signed up for the program did amazing. All the way home and long after I heard about the little black pony, Socks. Nathan rode Mississippi and has a new friend in the broad backed little haflinger. After we got home and everyone was headed off to bed Nathan came bouncing in to tell me goodnight. His smile was still firmly affixed to his little face and I can honestly say he was glowing. He got to wear his new helmet and sit up so big, he was so proud. Too see him this happy brought tears to my eyes. A door was opened in him and the others. I can't wait to see where it leads.

Kudos to Miss Margaret and all those that make this program possible. If the world had more like them it would be a much warmer, kinder and better place. And to the ponies, you little dudes rock!

Post WWW

Wow, I can't believe WWW, (wild women's week) is already over. What an amazing adventure!

So much to write about, think about, so many great memories. Now it's time to dive into the laundry, homework, doctor appointments, bills, vet visits and all the things that make home a home.

As I drive to the vet's office with the cat and my 'shotgum rider' I look at the mountains with longing. It would be so nice to just stop and start to climb. After five days of hiking it just seemed like the thing to do. I refocused on the road ahead knowing as wonderful as it would be it just wouldn't be the same. After this trip I don't think anything will be the same again! After a week with the twin sister of my heart, her sweetie and my prince charming in one of God's most beautiful settings how could it? My heart sings, It was give wings and how I have to decide where to fly to next.

The Journey

It took two days, numerous computer crashes and more than a few headaches to get my video of the Tribe postable and posted. After fearing for the life of my hard drive I had to wonder what drove me to have to get it done? Why is it so important for me to share the Tribe with the rest of the world?

Mulling this over as I head home from at hot afternoon of pony pedicures I realize that they, the Tribe, are the answer to many prayers, they are why I get up in the morning, they keep me young at heart and they keep me dreaming, striving and growing.

I never planned on a big family. To be really honest after my first child I said that was it, there would be no more. The Lord had other plans for me and I am so greatful now that He did.

Adoption and foster care have been the biggest rollercoaster ride of my life. If give a choice I quickly take pain of child birth over being told I may have to send a child that I love with every ounce of my being away to people that nearly killed him before he was two months old. So many times I had to tell myselfy "they aren't mine, they are yours Lord. You created them, you know the plan I am just here to do your work. But please give me the strength to do it".

He has given me the strength plus so much more. The blessings and joy I get from my kids can't be counted. It is so far beyond anything that I deserve. I am so blessed in so many ways and I see now that my drive to post this part of the journey was so that I could share these blessings and all the miracles that came with them with everyone else.

My Kids, My Life

Upheaval

So much to do, so many things that need to get done before I leave for the "Wild Women" retreat. I have it all planned out in my mind, just how much I can procrastinate and what has to be done by when. Then, the schedule changes. It's not serious, no children's appointments or anything like that, but in my over loaded, distracted mind it creates chaos.

I was working so hard at not having any expectations about the tip, only to realize I set myself before it even began. Deep breath, regroup, let it go and start over.

Trees Alive

The trees were alive,
Black wraiths among the leaves,
The sky went dark,
Morning silence shattered by screeches, screams and the beating of wings
The starlings were on the move

Reading vs Posting

The Mouse reads! She reads and she reads. She tells me all about her books, what she loves and what she hates. "Great" I respond, "post on it".

There she goes again, nose in a book. No posting, just reading!

Post Mouse, Post!!!

Departure

Only a few days until departure. Only a few hours down the road, but for me a life time away.

I think about a week with no getting drinks of water at three in the morning or waking up with a little face only inches from mine telling me "mommy, I'm scared. Can I sleep in the middle?". No never ending sock basket or dogs barking when the neighbors walk by, a squirrel goes up a tree or the wind blows.

Ahhh, it sounds like heaven but I'm scared to death. As much as I grumble about the non stop laundry, dishes, cooking for an army and breaking up fights, it's my life, my world, it's secure and safe. I always have a hug waiting for me, someone to paint watercolors with and an "I love you mommy" is only a head pat and squeeze away.

The idea of heading out of the driveway and down the road with no one riding "shotgum" looms before me. No one to sing too or with, no one jabbering away about hay and John Deere tractors, dump trucks or Chinese good. Eleven years ago I faced the unknown of being a parent. Now I face the unknown of being with just me.

Hamster Dance - Pirates of the Caribbean (Piramsters)

BJ had to share his favorite video, rock on BJ!

Road Trip

A gift from my aunt, a week at her time share in the Shennandoah Valley. What to do with a week??

What started as just a thought, "hey you want to come hang out in a beautiful place for a few days?" has taken creativity to a new level.

The end result will be beautiful. I can just feel it!

"Yes Tink, I believe that is rain"

I count on Gyps to keep me on the straight and narrow. I am fully confident that with her I will never accidentally wander into the realms of boredom, commonplace or any other strange places others perceive as reality. She grounds me and keeps me focused on the the critical issues of life such as what a real elephant's ear should look like and staying in tune with your power tools. I still wonder how I ever survived all these years without her??

I love ya sister!

Happy 5th Birthday Nathaniel!

Growing up Despite the Weeds

I'm a mom! There is just something in me that wants to care for, fuss over and nurture what ever I think needs mothering. Mostly it children and critters, sometimes it's family and even friends that despite being all grown up, I mother anyway and, since they love me they put up with it.

The mom in me wants to shield and protect those that I love. I want to wrap them in bubble wrap and lock them in a padded room. But healthy children, animals, friendships and even plants need space and freedom. Mistakes, bumps and bruises are part of life. They are the tools that build character, teach wisdom and build confidence.

Last fall I got a new rose for my rose garden called "Freedom". I worked the soil and carefully planted the little guy. He grew leaves and even had a bloom. This spring I made sure all the weeds were cleared, put out rose food, mulched and weeded some more. As summer came on freedom began to grow strong and bushy. Then, the Japanese beetles found him, the dry spell hit and the heat and gnats kept me from fussing after my roses as I should have. Freedom's leaves were chewed and the last blossom was eaten by bugs and weeds took over the rose bed despite the mulch and weed barrier I'd put down the year before. I promised myself that as soon as I could make the time I would go give him the TLC I was sure he needed.

Last night after a wonderful evening of girl time and ponies I wandered over the the rose bed to see how much work it was going to take to revive my sick flowers. Imagine my surprise when despite the lack of fussing, spraying, coddling and attention I found Freedom had grown above the weeds, strong and straight. He was green and leafy and even better Freedom bloomed.

As much as I think bubble wrap is a good idea I guess I was shown that stepping back, letting go and letting God is truly the best way.

Late Night

It's late, way to late for school age children to be up but, there is lightning flashing and thunder booming. Tiger dog hides under the desk laying across my feet and beside him is BJ, hanging on my leg. The cats are as close as they can get while still maintaining the appearance of being independent. Bower's in my lap, Bart is in the basket on my desk, Mo curls up on the printer and August paces the floor, glaring at the dog. Little Farm Boy huddles next to me, wide eyed each time the sky lights up.

I can't type and it's getting hard to breath. Ah well, it's not good to have the PC on during an electrical storm. I pry kids and critters off and with my menagerie in tow I head to bed.

So Gyps advise me that since we are related and she is the Most Noble and Honourable Gypsy the Splendid of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch I too must have a peculiar aristocratic title. So, I did the research and low-n-behold there it was:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Baroness Tink the Spurious of Lardle Midhoop Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

I feel so special!

Just Keep Swimming

Hip-hip-hooray, it's back to school day.

It's a day of firsts at our house. Nathan starts kindergarten, Mouse starts middle school, it's Layla's first year at the main High School campus and BJ's first year home with just mom.

With just 10 minutes until we leave for the first bus run I think back on the summer and all the great times, what a blast! It's a cross roads kinda day. I know Gyps would tell me something profound about not looking back, moving forward... "just keep swimming, just keep swimming".

Final call for flight 1, all passengers should be on board and prepared for departure, final call!

And the journey goes on!

Transition

Summertime elegantly clothed in her tapestry of rich greens dotted with the shining colors or flowers and birds begins to grow restless. It's time for her to move on and leave her realm to her sister Autumn.

The sisters draw close to each other knowing that soon one will have to move on. The mornings are crisp with Autumn's breath as she begs her sister to stay just a little longer. Summer weeps and sometimes rages with the thought of leaving, and despite the forces pulling her away she clings to her sister for as long as possible.

Soon Summer will move on and Autumn will rule alone. In her pain she will send the brightly colored birds to warmer climes, drain the green from the leaves, redressing them in crimsons and golds. Then, she will see her brother Winter approach and together they decorate the world in frost and chase animals into warm burrows and nests.

On and on it goes, through wars and famine, birth and joy. A world beyond our understanding or even imagination, forever moving, always in transition.

Girls Just Want to Play Dress-up

What is it about wandering through fabric stores looking at all the colors and textures that can set a girl's heart a glow. The idea you can take a plane piece of something and make it into something you can wear. Something that can tell people something about who you are and what you like, even what your mood is for that day.

"Creativity in textiles" Gyps said. That must be where all the creative juices have gone. What fun it has been!

A Time to Post

For days now I have tried to find the time, make the time to sit and let my thoughts flow from mind to keyboard. I fall asleep with words wandering through my head, thoughts spinning and spiraling but finding no release. I actually dream I have posted and that Gyps has left some wonderful, amusing comment that I laugh about over and over. I wake up to find I can't remember what I was in my mind when sleep came nor what I posted about in my dream. I sadly remember that Gyps is gone for a few more days and that there will be no comments or jokes no one else could understand until she gets back... sigh.

So, here I sit, with a million and one things rushing around in my brain and now the time to let them out but the door is closed. Maybe I need more sleep, or less sleep or more spicy food... yea that will help. Spicy food always gets things moving! Maybe I just need my missing twin to come home so that the wellspring of creativity can freely flow again. Maybe I just need to try again tomorrow.

Shades of Orange

Death in The Storm

The 'bee tree' has been a sentinel standing in our front yard since our house was built. It was one of the trees left on the property when the excavator put in the building site. Before we cleared the land it stood in the middle of the last set of dense woods in this area. Our home sits at the base of School House Ridge, site of a small battle during the civil war. We have often wondered if Confederate soldiers bivouacked on this land as they prepared for battle? Was the tree here then? If it could talk what stories would it tell?

We knew the bee tree was old, very old. It was one of the largest trees on the property. It was adorned it beautiful shelf fungus which indicated it was sick and probably would have to come down eventually but, it was way out in the front yard and leaning away from all structures. It was called the 'bee tree' because of the hollow in the lower trunk that was inhabited by wild honey bees every year. In the spring I would work the flower bed around it's base but, once the bees arrived it was left alone until fall.

Last night's storm witnessed the death of our aged sentinel. Around midnight as the wind howled and the thunder pounded we heard a loud crack followed by a crash. It was too dark to see into the yard and the house was fine. We assumed lightning, maybe a branch had broken in the wind. We returned to sleep. By the light of morning we found the shattered corps that was once our beautiful tree lying broken and smashed on the front lawn. The trunk broke off about 15 feet up and it fell towards the house. Had it come up from the roots the corner of the house would be gone. Branches still rest in the tops of neighboring trees. The shattered trunk has to be cut up and hauled away and the chunks of torn earth will have be to filled and reseeded with grass.

To most folks it was just an old tree, sick and rotting that needed to come down before someone got hurt. To the birds, squirrels and bees it was home. To me it was like an old friend, strong and powerful and always there. It had stood through heat and cold, storms and droughts, peace and war. But death being a part of life had to come, and so it has. Good bye old friend.

Dinner with the Tribe is never quiet or dull. Last night it was BJ and corn.

A neighbor brought us some home grown corn from his parents farm. The Tribe spent a good portion of the afternoon shucking and cleaning the silk and buggies from the golden ears. BJ couldn't wait until it was ready to eat and sat out at the patio table bouncing up and down in anticipation.

Once the dinner plates had made it to the table he insisted he wanted a bowl for his corn. Trying to prevent a melt down and not seeing what it could hurt I gave in and took him a bowl. He promptly took the hot corn, put it in the bowl and got up to stand in front of the fan we keep on the patio to help with the evening heat and bugs. When I asked him what he was doing with the corn he looked at me as if I were totally stupid and told me that the corn was hot and blowing took too long, so he would use the fan to cool it off. Geee, did I feel dumb!

Mice and Mom

Yesterday Mom and I decided to venture off on a quest for fabric and notions and pretty fun things. We skated out the door just steps ahead of BJ who had broken away from his dad and was making a mad dash for my leg. Thank goodness for kid proof door knob covers. I don't remember the last time my mom and I went out without a kid in tow. It was a great afternoon and we headed home with a candy bar for lunch and bags of glittery, shiny, silky things.


On the way home I pulled into a gas station to fill up. On the far side of pumps were two 18 - 20 something-ish men, I use the term men very lightly, in a beat up Honda sedan. The passenger door was open and the guy was swearing loud enough to make a sailor in the midst of a class five hurricane blush. He had a fairly large boa or python draped around his neck and a small white box in his hand. It took me a second to realize what the commotion was about. It seems that the guys had stopped at a pet store to get white mice to feed to the snake and the mice were getting out of the box. The guy set the box up side down on the pavement next to the car while he went into the gas station to get a bag to put the box in. The box was on the ground less than a minute before the driver came over to pick it up. He held is hand over the top to prevent the mice from escaping. A minute later his foul mouthed buddy returned with his snake and a bag and they drove away.


Back in the car mom asked what the fuss was. I told her about the snake guy and his mice and that I was sorely tempted to run over and kick the box under the car so the mice could have escaped. I am sure it would have been a really ugly scene, maybe even come to blows or a call to the police but, it sure would have been funny.


Mom in all her wisdom explained that it would have been kind of amusing but the pavement was hot there was no where for the little guys to go. She said that freeing them in a place like that would have caused them to suffer worse that if they were fed to the snake. She also pointed out to make it really funny I should have walked over the the driver, asked to see his cute little mice and then opened the box in the car with a ditsy giggle and an "oops, sorry", let them loose in the Honda. Picturing the snake guy's face with those mice running loose in the car had me in stitches half way home. I hope some day I am as wise and cleaver as her!

All in a Days Work

Music and motivational speakers on tape in the morning, coffee and a brisk cool shower, exercise, all of the ways I tried to get myself moving. Ways to get the mind and body focused and working towards completing something or in my case, starting something.

Todd and I sat out on the porch last evening and talked about all the things we would like to get done, the things we have to get done and the things we would do if a long lost relative left us a bunch of money. It was an amazing list, a wonderful list, an exhausting list. We both went to bed hoping the elves had heard the conversation and would come put in the walk ways, weed the front flowers and garden, seal the deck, build a new shed in the back yard and fix up the 84 Monte Carlo that he has wanted to restore for years.

When I rolled out of bed this morning I had every intention of taking on the world and getting a whole bunch done. I got a shower, my coffee and then the phone rang. I made breakfast while still on the phone, did the dishes, changed a diaper, got kids dressed and assigned morning chores. After two loads of laundry, getting floors vacuumed, feeding the cats, cleaning the laundry room I got three kids off for a visit with their bio-mom. Next came the rounding up of library books and a visit to the library and produce stand. I was home by 11:00 made PB&J for the remaining munchkins and headed for my office.

Now, here I sit thinking that another day is nearly gone and none of my projects are done or even started yet. Do I need to organize better, multi-task better, prioritize better? Maybe if I could grow a few extra arms or if Gyps would get on the ball and have some hours added to the day (she keeps saying she'll get to that). Then I think, who am I to complain? I have a Tribe of healthy kids, an awesome family, the best friends in the world and I get to leave all this house work fun to Todd tomorrow so I can play (oh, I mean work) with Gyps at the farm for a few hours. It will all be here when I get back, the weeds, paint, kids, dreams and plans. Maybe I'll get to it and maybe I'll just play Go-Fish with the Tribe.

Mmmm, Salsa

Maybe it's growing up in the Sacramento valley of California but nothing says summer to me like fresh salsa. Layla and I made a HUGE batch last night and it was wonderful. So good infact I had to brag about it. Bragging about food means.... sharing the food or at least the way to make it. So, little sister.... here it is. Enjoy!

Tink's Amazing, Wonderful Salsa

4 large vine ripened tomatoes
1 large green bell pepper
1 jalapeño pepper
¼ cup fresh cilantro
½ yellow onion
Salt
Ground black pepper
Minced garlic (optional)

Dice tomato, peppers, onion and cilantro and put in a large bowl. Add 2 teaspoons of salt and garlic if desired and stir well. Let sit for 15 to 30 minutes then taste.

Add more salt if necessary, more bell pepper if you want more crunch, more jalapeño if you need more heat. Grab a bag of tortilla chips, a large glass of iced tea or sangria and call me to come visit!

The Visit

So many emotions mingle together. Relief leads the pack but, it's closely followed by a nervous excitement. It's all okay, it's going to be okay and, well, maybe even fun. There will be ups and downs, hills not mountains I hope. There will be good days and bad days and things may get rocky sometimes but, I know in my heart it will all be okay.

She and are I are very different but, we do have some things in common. We both love to talk, tell stories and laugh. She is very funny and she has a good heart. She loves children even if she parents so much differently than I do.

How hard this must be for her. The feelings she has to over come, the anger and jealousy. I can't imagine what it would be to watch others raise your children. Four different homes, four different families with different ideals, values and boundaries. She has come so far, learned so much. Still, this has to be so difficult and so painful.

We greeted each other with a hug. Gypsy has the right idea about hugs. Then, we moved to sit at the kitchen table. The kitchen is my haven. I feel it's the heart of a home, not a house maybe, but certainly of a home. We sat, we talked and we laughed. I told her about the kids visit to the mountains. What they are doing there and the new friends they have made. She told me about the visits she had with the other the other children and their new families. Soon, the children's worker arrived but the conversation stayed about the same.

The visit lasted nearly two hours. The little ones watched a movie in their oldest sister's room with her supervising. I know it made her happy to know both her moms were below her talking and learning to trust each other. She came down to make sandwiches for lunch as the worker and her mom were preparing to leave. She gave hugs, chatted for a few minutes and said good bye. They will see each other again in a week. She seems content.

Hikes in the autumn to see the leaves turn, cookie baking in the winter and visits to the park in spring. So much to look forward to, a new member of the family. Like the children grew in my heart so too is their mother. The woman that gave them life and then loved them so desperately she chose to give them a family that she could not. I am grateful to her, in awe of what it must have taken to make the choice she did. The greatest gift she could, the gift of sacrifice that only comes from true and unconditional love.

Meeting of Minds, Meeting of Hearts

There is a get-together at my house today. It will be an interesting event. A meeting of minds and hearts that could impact the lives of many people. My family, my children, other falmilies and their children. The effects of this meeting will be both immediate and long term. So much is at stake.

Over the duration of my journey there have been many difficult choices to make. So much that can impact the lives of so many. Government leaders, corporate leaders, teachers and judges make choices everyday that have the potential to impact thousands. I do not posses the kind of power that will impact the masses. But, how I respond to, react to, and treat the biological mother of my soon to be adopted children will impact how they see me, how they view the world. All the lessons in kindness, forgiveness, respect and trust will be put to the test.

We don't have to agree on everything. We won't agree on a lot of things. We do have so much in common. Children, we have children in common. We both love them. We both want what is best for them. We will both fly into a righteous rage when we feel they are in danger and we both have that right.

She gave birth to them. They have grown in my heart. They call us both "mom". They love us both and they look to us to guide them as they grow. They will always know her, she will always be part of their lives. This makes her part of my life, part of our family. A family bound by love rather than blood.

Each word will be measured, each response weighed, body language and expressions evaluated. Time is short, the players in this life drama will arrive soon. The path is getting narrow and soon it will branch off. I will have to choose and my choice will dictate the direction of the next leg of the journey.

Tribal Art

Mouse is at Camp, JL and the Princess at the cabin with Grandma and Grandpa. The Tribe is now only four strong. Not that four of this tribe can't do some serious damage if left alone for a second or two. Bj's favorite is to finger paint on the play room rug with pudding. He prefers the tast of vanilla but the chocolate is so much more vivid on the light rug. A few sprinkles of red kool-aid from a sippy-cup adds a nice contrast. There is nothing I love more than tribal art!

I Want Bewwies

I am not sure how it is that kids find you and NEEEEDDDD you at the exact moment you most long for piece and quiet. It seems that not matter where I am or what I am doing if it's "me" time my really short shadow appears and whines, cries or kicks me in the shin until I give in give him some attention.

Last weekend my shadow found the wild black raspberries growing around the cabin. It mattered little to him that I had just sat down, put my feet up and opened my book. He wanted me to get him the "bewwies" NOW! No pretzel or crackers would do, it had to be bewwies.

Ok, fine, bewwies it is... I put down the book, put on some shoes and mumbled and grumbled as I trudged over the hill, hoping to avoid snakes and poison ivy on the way.

As is the way with small shadows, the reward is always worth the effort. "Oh, tank you" and a kiss in both cheeks just for a hand full of bewwies.

Battle of the Bees

Ok, "Racing the Weedwacker" was posted first but, my bee has a friend!

Down by the River Side

The Tribe played, baked, or otherwise kept themselves busy. Layla was plopped in the way only a teenager can, in front of the tv. Her eyes were blank and it was obvious that she was seeing nothing on the screen in front of her. I tried to sit on the front stoop and read but, my mind refused to focus on the words in front of me. I wandered back in and whispered to Layla, "go get in granma's truck". She looked at me as if she couldn't quite grasp what I was telling her. Then, she nodded, slipped on her tennis shoes and ambeled out the door in her slow, I am a totally bored teenager, way. I told granma that I wanted to visit the river with Layla. "Will you watch the rest of the Tribe?" She smiled and nodded. It amazes me the way close families can communicate with few words.

"Where we goin'?" Laya asked as the old truck rattled to life. "I thought the river might be pretty just now and I'm bored" I told her. "Cool, me too".

As we turned off the main road an onto the path to the water Layla spotted bunnies. I grabbed for my camara and told her to take the wheel. We moved forward slowly with me hanging out the window and trying to find the bunnies throught the view finder, Layla trying to keep us from driving into a ditch.

Once at the waters edge she looked for pretty stones and I tried to find cool things to take pictures of. We were together but focused on different things. It allowed for comfortable conversation without strain or pressure. We watched fish jump, dragonflies race and threw stones. We chatted and were just together.

We were both quiet on the walk back to the truck. The ground was rocky and barren but as we rounded a corner I saw a tiny mustard plant that had not only pushed it's way up throught the rocks but had bloomed. A tiny plant with a tenatious hold on life not only surved but prospered. It reminded me of my Layla.

We drove home chattering and in good spirits. It was a short but refreshing visit. We were almost to the main road and Layla pointed out the window, "look, deer". There at the edge of the clearing was a doe and fawn. Both stoped and watched us with liquid brown eyes. Their ears and tails flicked but they stood frozen watching us watch them. I tried for a picture but it blured as they moved into the cover of the forest. Another great symbol, I don't question it's source. A mother and child finding strength and facing the fear of the unknown together. No need to panic or run away, just head for the shelter where weary find peace.

BJ Calls me to Breakfast

"Mommy, time for dinner. Pancakes!"

Storm of Destruction and Pain

I could tell just by the way the storm looked at a distance that it was to be a bad one. There was none of the radiant light or cool winds of the leading edge that signal a powerful but much needed summer storm. This one loomed black and ominous, a solid wall of darkness that I somehow knew would break bad.

All afternoon it sat at a distance and continued to build. By early evening it had grown to massive proportions and I could feel it's dark presents without even looking to see it was there. Eventually it began to move forward, slowly at first then building speed and momentum. When it broke it was with the furry and rage of a wounded beast, mauling and maiming everything in it's path. Seeking to inflict as much damage and cause as much pain as possible before it's life drained away. It was an evil thing with a dark heart and seeking naught but to destroy.

I can't say for sure how long it lasted it, a few hours maybe, but it felt like days. There was no chance of sleep, no way to find comfort. It drained the hope and wearied the hearts of all it came upon. When it did eventually move off it left a wake of devastation and pain. What had taken years to build up was laid to waste in mere minutes, all that was left lay desolate and empty. Shattered remnants of what had been before could be found scattered about, bits and pieces of what bad once been lives.

What happens next is yet to be seen.

The Tribe vs. The Staypuff Man

Sunday at the cabin with Granma and PaPaw, kitties, doggies, lots of outside space to play and just being away from the routine of home. The Tribe is in heaven!

The best thing about the cabin is cooking over the open fire. No bbq here, this is an open pit with real wood and a grate that swings over the coals to grill on. Eveything tastes better over the open fire. The Tribe follows Papaw to the pile of dead and down wood. Wagons and wheelbarows are loaded and off to the pit they go.

After a scrumptous dinner of grilled burgers and squash from the garden it's time to break out the 'smarsh mallows'. The fire has burned low and the coals are nice and hot. The rocks around the edge of the fire pit are the perfect resting spot a roasting stick. The heat is on! Who can have the best toasted mallow without having to put out flame?

They did well, no burns, only a few mallow sacrefices to the pit fire goddess, lots of sticky faces and fingers! Score one for The Tribe, the Staypuff man has been defeated... and he was DEWISHOUS!

X-Men Personality Test

Okay, it wasn't my first choice but I can't argue, he likes to fight and the whiskers are cute!





http://www.zipperfish.com/quizzes/quiz/x-men-personality-test/

Wipe Out

He was racing his bike up and down the driveway as fast as he could possibly go. He's only had the training wheels off for a few weeks but he has no fear of falling, no idea that anything bad could happen to him. I refuse to watch! With every wiggle of the front tire, every near miss I can see him sailing through the air and I know there is no way to catch him, no way to stop the pain of the impact or the terror he'll feel in the milliseconds preceding it. I pull weeds, with my back to the driveway, refusing to look up. My mind wanders to some of the nasty crashes on my bike when I was a kid. It's part of life, part of growing up and into who we will one day be.

My thoughts are jolted my a scream, Maaaaammmmm!!!!!! MOMMY, MOMMY! I jump up and out or my thoughts. The inevitable has happened, he's wiped out. I run to the end of the driveway, I never realized how long it is. He is sitting up holding his knees. His helmet is still on straight so I know the critical part is okay. As I carry him into the house the crying stops, man that is a really looong driveway. He has ugly scrapes and some mild road rash but nothing a jumbo band-aid, a spoon of peanut butter and a movie won't fix. After lots of hugs and kisses I tell him it was a really cool crash and he was really brave. He grins, "thanks mom".

As I'm popping popcorn for the movie and spooning the peanut butter I think back on the wipe outs I've had today. I realize then that my Father was watching me, seeing the front wheel wobble, watching me go faster and faster until the inevitable happened. "I'm here" He said, "let me carry you for a while, until you feel better". Unlike Farm Boy I didn't cry out, I should have but I didn't. He was there anyway. Always there ready to pick up the pieces when I have raced off on my own. Even when I fail to heed His warnings, when I go and do without consulting Him first, even when I break His heart He is there to shelter me in his love and mercy. I have to wonder though, since I'm sure there are no weeds in heaven what does He do while He waits for me to crash?

Farm Boy

"As you wish."

Spontaneous Hay Day

Not sure what to do with the family on a sweltering summers afternoon? Tired of going to the pool, grilling in the back yard? Why not try having a spontaneous hay day (SHD)! For your very own SHD all you need is a friend with hay fields that have been cut and baled, a tractor, hay wagon, hay elevator and an empty hay loft. For extra excitement you can throw in an impending thunder storm.

Our SHD started with a phone call from Gyps asking "how many kids do you have today". This is a difficult question because I never pay attention to how many kids are at my house on any given day at any given hour. There are always more than a few and less than you'd find at Kings Dominion. I had to think about this... okay two that are just on loan from the neighbor are leaving in about 30 minutes..."ummm, let me see, five kids and Todd so that's six"! Gyps explains the event for the afternoon, hay, heat, humidity and kids (that will be dead tired when we are done). "I'll be there in an hour" I told her.

We pull up to the farm to see and empty hay wagon parked beside the road. "Oh darn" Todd said. "I guess they're done already". The Tribe make disappointed kid sounds in the back of the van. "Just keep going" I tell him. We crest the hill and round the corner to the horse barn and there is the OTHER hay wagon being unloaded and bales being run up the elevator, (a long, elevated belt that takes the bales from ground level up into the loft). The Tribe pile out and charge forward in mass towards the belts, chains and gears of the moving elevator.

After introductions and a little organization we went to work. We had workers in the loft to catching bales and handing them to others that could throw the bale to the top of the pile and stack it. Another team worked out in the hot sun carrying bales to the elevator and the last team went out into the field to pick up bales and throw them in the hay wagon as it rolled past.

It was an AWSOME day! Everyone worked at top speed due to the rumbling of thunder in the distance. All afternoon we stacked, carried and threw bales like people possessed. Lungs burning with hay dust, eyes stinging with sweat and arms aching, we shoved the last bale into the loft and scooped the last of the loose fallen hay under cover just as the rain began to fall.

As the rain pored down The Tribe loaded into the van. They were hot, smelly, dog tired, smelly, itchy and did I mention smelly, oh and they were beaming with pride. They made new friends and got to hang with the Gypsinator. We got to work together as a family. Even Todd had a good time and I was in heaven. Hay, horses, my favorite twin sister and my totally hot (literally and figuratively) farm boy / husband. Yes, life is good!

Hay has been used for thousands of years as a binding agent for bricks. Mix hay or straw with some mud, bake it in the hot hot sun and it can last through the ages. I see now that hay and hot sun can bind families and friends as well.

Board Breaking

At my very first Karate shiai (test) I stood in front of the testing panel and announced, "Sensei, I will attempt to... !" Sensei Peeler, the head of our style who had flown in Detroit just for this test stopped me. "You will what" he asked? I realized my mistake as it came from my mouth and now, in front of a very large group of very high ranking Karate masters I knew that everyone had heard it.

Shaking in my gee I announced again, "Sensei, I will break one board with otoshi tettsui (downward hammer fist)".

My first thought was to throw up but that would show a lack of respect in the dojo. As I move towards the board and the cinder blocks holding it up my knees began to shake. Sensei was in front of me guiding my stance and wind-up. The Tribe was behind me cheering me on. I cleared my mind and moved into my stance. Breath, wind up, breath, punch, kiai (yell), BANG! The board was not in two pieces at my feet.

I quickly forgot the tingling in my hand and soaked up the screams and cheers from The Tribe and the rest of the class behind me. This was just the first of many firsts in my journey through the world of martial arts (just wait 'till I tell you about my chi). But, it was a break through (no pun intended) for my mind. I was able to use my mind and body as a tool to do some serious damage to a 1 inch thick board. I was strong and powerful, I am strong and powerful, 1 inch thick boards everywhere fear me.

Saturday my mind and body will again be tested. This time I decided to play Bruce Lee and break with an open knife hand. I poke at the soft flesh on the lower part of my hand that runs upwards towards my pinkie finger. Not very dangerous looking. I wonder, did I take on too much... can I really do this and not do serious damage to my hand? I can do this, I will do this and Saturday evening I will tie my yellow belt around my shattered board and my blue belt around my waist! I am strong, I am powerful!

Fragments

An idea comes into my head. A dream has been living in my heart for a long time now. The two begin to meld. But, there is so much fragmentation. Like a piece of shattered pottery that I have never seen complete and now I need to put it back together. The pieces drift thought my mind, tiny bits that look familiar and then spaces where just nothing seems to fit. I know the Lord is trying to speak to me and I am working so hard to figure out what he is saying. I'm blocking Him out. This has to be His plan, His dream and all I can contribute is my willingness and faith.

Even in it's fragmented state the unfolding idea is an island and I am on the far shore looking through a misty shroud across the water. A bridge must be built... stone by stone, each carefully placed until a way is made to cross.

Headin' Home

Today was cool and wet. We had planned one last day at the beach but ended up at the outlet mall instead. After the wet start I had hoped to spend a few more hours exploring Brookgreen Gardens, but the glut of incoming vacationers on the highway prevented that from happening. Such is life while on vacation. It's all an adventure and more fun if each moment is lived rather than choreographed.

So now what? We have to pack this evening so that we can load and roll first thing tomorrow. I guess the beach and gardens will have to wait until next year.

The week has flown by and tons of fun was had by all. Some did well and others need some work on dealing with excitement and self control. Being this was our first real vacation with the entire tribe of nine I think we did okay. New movies have been purchased for the return trip and a new route has been plotted (some little bug in my ear said it's never any fun to back track). The girls will have to "wear" their boogie boards to get them home and I plan to make Todd stop frequently for photos. I guess that means the vacation isn't over until we are all snuggled at home in our beds. Oh, I can't wait!

Get he escrima sticks ready Gyps!!! The Tribe is commin' home!

Brookgreen Gardens

I wandered along winding stone paths, marveling at the intricate sculptures, manicured gardens and unique flowers. I was in awe of the Spanish moss trailing from ancient live oak trees who's massive arms hugged the earth as though the years and sorrows of those who admired them sapped them of all strength. Over head thunder clouds billowed towards the heavens. The sky darkened and thunder pounded an ominous warning for all who would listen. Drum beats and cannon fire from days gone by.

The Dogwood Garden and The Trail Beyond the Garden Wall beckoned but the impending storm kept me at bay. The pictures and memories call to me, pulling me back to see what beauty lies around the next bend in the path.

Home Sick

Am I a curmudgeon or are the bonds that tie me to home stronger that I thought??? Before we left I was feeling trapped by the routine. School, day to day chores, squeezing in a smidge of time for a riding / training lesson, trying to get dinner cooked and on the table before karate class.

This morning I woke up with a twinge, an ache deep inside. Suddenly I was desperate to get to the PC so I could check on the Gypsinator's blog and see what is happening at home... maybe if I was lucky I'd get an email from Mom and in an hour I'd call Jen to see how things are with her kids, animals, and life.

I had no idea how safe and secure my routine is. There is comfort in the little things that make life mundane, or at least seem mundane. The storms here don't build the same as at home, the people are friendly but they aren't the familiar faces that I know I've seen before, there are no little furry faces that follow me from room to room. I know that once we get moving I'll feel better but at this moment.... I just want to go home.

Siesta at the Beach

We are all crispy kritters but what a day at the beach! We took lot's of sunscreen, water, snacks and an umbrella. Todd and the bigger kids spent most of the day in the surf. The littler ones and I stayed at the water line and played in the breakers. The water was cool but not cold, the sun warm but with the breeze the temp was perfect. After a few hours in the sun and sand the tribe decided a siesta was the next best course of action.

We call him Shark Bite

I think the shark may fit over my ridding helmet.....

The Tribe Invades the South

Photos of the Tribal Invasion

Happy Birth-day JT!!

Sparkling green eyes peer up at me through whisps of wind blown blond hair. "Tell me again what we're gonna' do for my birth-day, mom". Gee so many choices, there are fireworks tonight at the golf course so that's a given, and he said he wanted to go out for dinner. "Do you still want to eat out tonight" I ask. "Oh yea, steak remember". He is only turning 6... but he knows I love baked potato.

I say only turning 6 but in so many countries he would be one of only a few that live past the age of 5. He is a charmer, smart and always ready with snappy come-back. Being five years younger than his sister JT was essentially an only child. He spent his first three years rarely seeing anthing lower than my hip... or his dad's arms. Then one day everything changed! A two month old baby came into his world. Followed shortly after by an 18 month old baby... For the first time JT had to share his toys, his sippy cups and OH MAN, his mommy. A year later an older brother and sister were added to the mix. Another year and he got yet another older sister. He took each is stride and now just assumes that all families are like his, The Tribe.

Last summer a few of his siblings were at a visit to Grandma's house. "It's too quiet here" he said. "I would hate to not have lots of brothers and sisters. It makes me sad". He has few memories of life as the youngest of two children. His world has changed and he's willingly adapted. He has learned to share, think of others first and he is aware, at a very tender age, of the ugliness in the world. He knows that there are children who are sad, alone, hungry and sick. He also believes that Jesus is a super hero who helps sad kids. (Go J!)

So, here's to you JT! My little sunshine, full of kindness for all living things, a bubbeling cup joy and wonder. You make the world a better place for just being in it. I hope you have the happiest birth-day ever!

Journey of the Tribe

• 02:30 am - and the alarm is going off. Was I of sound mind when I agreeded to this?
• 04:30 am - Kitten is tucked in with Gran-ma (he tried to sneek into my luggage twice). Seven sleepy heads are now wide awake and buckled into car-seat, booster-seats and seat belts. The excitement is palpable as the van rolls out into the pre-dawn light.
• 06:30 am - After an hour three little ones have noded off again. The rest are glued to a DVD (I love technology). BJ wakes up and wants food. He is soon followed by the rest of the Tribe. A hungry tribe is a force to be reckoned with.
• 08:30 am - Shoney's buffett will never be the same again.
• 1:00 pm - Eight hours in the car and only a few stops for "tinlkle winkle" and petrol. We have to feed the Tribe again. The din is mind numbing and I'm getting really grumpy! Hurray for Burger King with a playground.
• 2:30 pm - We have found "home" for the next week. It's beautiful and really clean, with glass glasses, light colored carpet under the dinning table and it's on the third floor. (thank you Sensei for the strength training).
• 4:30 pm - The three youngest of the Tribe witness the beauty and magnifigance of the ocean for the first time. Todd and I stand in the breakers as seven beautiful little people search for shells in the sand and squeal with delight as the waves wash over their feet. The fussing and whining are forgotten. My heart soars and my eyes mist. "Thank you Lord for this day and this opportunity". A feeling of pure joy and satisfaction washes over me. "Mom, I gotta' go pee pee". Back to the real world.
• 7:00 pm - Note to self - avoid at all cost grocery stores on Saturday evening is a beach town.
• 9:00 pm - Seven little ones are asleep. My eyes feel like burnt holes in a blanket. We survived day one.

And We're Off

Hopfully my beach updates will be more timley than the beach cam. Either it's hung up or.... could it be that it's always day time in Myrtle Beach?

• So, how many times will JT ask, how much longer?
• How many times will we leave a rest stop and M will say "I need to go potty"?

The answers to these and more questions to follow!

Going to the Beach

The plan is to depart at 04:00 Saturday morning... after copeus amounts of coffee that is. Arrive just after lunch, nap at the beach and go out to a nice casual dinner with the family.

With 7 kids... yea right. But oh what an adventure it will be.

Gypsinator where are you when your super powers are truly needed???

Beach Cams in Myrtle Beach South Carolina - Cams on the Sand

She has to say good-bye today

Foster parenting can easliy be compared to a really wild roller-coaster that you ride over and over again. Eventually you are able to tell that the ride is about to end and you know it won't be a gentle stop. Rather, you will be faced with a sudden, controlled crash and you know something will get broken.... mostly you heart.
Today, the little sister of my heart and her husband are nearing the end of their ride. The two boys they took into their home and hearts over a year ago are moving to their forever home. In the past few days they have fielded hours of questions and dried millions of tears. The clothes and toys are packed, and all that is left are a few hills and loops before the ride ends this evening.
Jen and Jae have had an amazing journey with these two boys. There is light where once lived only darkness. They have given themselves totally and unconditionally knowing that they would one day have to say good-bye. They are the hands of Christ working to save the lost and forgotten. Each day they plant tiny seeds in these little ones in their attempt to save the world one child at a time.
Take heart dearest Jen, your transformation has been amazing too. You aren't the same person as you were a year ago. Take what you have learned, brace yourself and get ready for the next ride. Todd and I are here for you all the way!

Time Moves On - Mommies are forever!

It seems only yesterday I was holding my beautiful three month old daughter. She was so tiny and perfect. I was so in love. My heart filled with joy as she babbled and smiled while gazing into my eyes. I was "the mommy" and I knew I have been blessed with the greatest of miricles.
So many people told me "enjoy every minute, they grow up so fast". Last night those words hit harder than ever as I watched my precious baby parade past with her 5th grade graduating class. She was so grown up, so beautiful. After the excitement died away and we got a few minutes alone she gazed into my eyes like so many times before. I am still so in love and she assured me I am and will always be her "mommy".

Just enjoy the journey

I always wondered what I would be when I grew up.... I still wonder what I will be when I grow up. I've decided the easiest solution is to simply not grow up!


I have learned to follow the path before me and pray for guidance at each cross roads. Every day is a new creation and I have the chance to ask "Lord what adventures do you have planned for me today?" Wow, He and I have had some doosies! And, now that He has reunited me with my long lost twin sister, (a year younger than me, born to a different mother on the oppoiste coast... who am I to question God?) things are only getting better! Uncontrolable laughter, scenic routes and demolation derbies are merely the tip of the iceberg.